


Burning

by Hock_hug



Series: 52 Weeks of Hockey [32]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Travis needs therapy, and he gets it!, healing process, things are getting better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 08:37:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21335365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hock_hug/pseuds/Hock_hug
Summary: Travis figures out how to take care of himself
Relationships: Travis Konecny/Nolan Patrick
Series: 52 Weeks of Hockey [32]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1122324
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	Burning

**Author's Note:**

> There are vague discussions of mental health issues here. If this might trigger you, please don't read!

He never wanted to leave Nolan. Every fucking second apart ripped his heart to shreds, but he needed to, okay? He needed to so he could be okay. Nolan was hurting, bed, and all Travis wanted to do was help him. All he wanted to do was wrap him up in a blanket or his arms and let him feel the comfort and the love he deserved, but Nolan wouldn’t let him. It wasn’t always like this. Nolan used to curl up next to him in bed and wrap his arms around him. He used to lay his head on Travis’s lap and let Travis play with his hair while they watched whatever shitty comedy Travis had on at the time. He used to come into the kitchen while Travis cooked (Travis loved cooking for them, not only because Nolan couldn’t cook for shit but because Nolan always seemed to shine when he ate whatever Travis made) and hug Travis from behind, resting his chin on Travis’s shoulder. They used to be attached at the hip until Nolan didn’t want that anymore. Nolan stopped fitting himself against Travis, he stopped holding his hand, he stopped offering gentle kisses in the morning. At first, Travis wasn’t fazed. The season was reaching a fever point and everybody was on edge, but then two weeks passed and Nolan kept pushing him away, pushing away his love. It seemed like clouds covered the sun, there was no brightness in his life. Finally, their season ended, and there was nothing Travis needed more than a little comfort, a little sunshine, but Nolan shut him off, shut their bedroom door in his face, and he spent the night in the guest room he had insisted on for their parents, or a stray teammate. Never once did he consider that he would be the one sleeping there, yet there he was. He cried himself to sleep for the upteenth time since it all started, and he knew something needed to change, even if it broke him.

The next day, he packed his bags and broke up with Nolan. Nolan begged him to stay, promised he loved him, but at this point, Travis wasn’t sure if love was enough to fix what was left of him, so he left. Walking out the door hurt more than anything he had ever experienced before, but he refused to look back because he knew that if he did, he’d stay, and if he stayed he’d shatter. He drove all the way home, collapsed into his mother’s arms. He moped around for a day and a half before his dad sat him down and told him to pull his shit together.

“Don’t let him destroy you like this,” he had said, kind yet firm. “He doesn’t get to control you like this. You have to take care of yourself.”

That day, he had called and made an appointment with a therapist. He went to every appointment, once a week, and he got better. He understood that Nolan was depressed, but he never knew how bad it could get. Before he could begin to feel guilty about it, his therapist explained that he did the right thing by leaving. He couldn’t do anything to ‘fix’ Nolan, and he needed to take care of himself, which he couldn’t do when he was living with the problem. He didn’t like thinking of Nolan as a problem, but he knew that what Nolan did would have put him in a place he might not have been able to come out of unscathed if he had stayed much longer. 

Travis spent the summer training and when the time came, he packed his stuff and flew back to Philly. He stayed at a hotel for a while. Going home seemed impossible, but renting an apartment felt like abandoning Nolan and everything they once had, and he couldn’t do that. Coots found out eventually and let Travis crash at his place without asking any questions, because he was a cool guy like that. He was fine there until he found out about the migraines. Coots had to physically stop him from running out the door when he read the tweet, the fucking tweet, and he spent the rest of the day sulking. How could he not know? He knew that Nolan’s headaches had gotten worse during the end of the last season, but he didn’t realize that they were getting that bad. Of course, Nolan hadn’t said much to him at all, so he couldn’t really have expected to know anything about him or how he was feeling. 

Eventually, Nolan started coming back to practices, but it wasn’t Nolan at all, not really. He seemed like a husk of himself. His smiles never reached his eyes, he didn’t joke around with the guys, he saw practically silent constantly and it broke Travis just a little bit. He decided to visit Nolan once, thinking he was ready to face whatever was going on with Nolan. He wasn’t at all ready to see the state of their apartment, covered with trash or to find Nolan on their couch, frozen to the touch. Maybe he should’ve been kinder, maybe he should have been gentler, but he hurt seeing Nolan like that. The entire apartment was freezing and dark and hollow and all he wanted to do was find a way to save Nolan, but he knew he couldn’t, so he left. Nolan seemed to get worse after that, and it left Travis in a state of constant agony. How could he survive seeing the love of his life so destroyed? He started considering the unthinkable and wondered how AV would take it if he requested a trade. Probably not well, but surely Nolan would get better if he didn’t have to see Travis every day. He kept the thought to himself and decided to give it a month. If Nolan wasn’t getting better by then, he’d go. It would break him, but at least Nolan could heal from him then.

One week passed and nothing seemed to change. Every day was a struggle just to get out of bed, knowing what would greet him when he walked into the rink. Even off days weren’t good enough because someone on the team would want to hang out and he’d have to make excuses since the only person he wanted to see was so far from him, despite being a five minute drive away. He caught himself sometime in the middle of week two and scheduled a therapy session with one of the recommendations he’d gotten from the team doctor. Travis spent week three pushing himself as far as he could go. G tried pulling him aside after every practice, but he’d brush his captain off with a grin or a quick comment about taking things more seriously. Week four arrived with storm clouds and a fresh wave of anxiety, but Travis stuck to his guns. If things didn’t get better, he needed to go. Not only for Nolan, at this point, but also for himself. The days passed slowly, and he found himself desperately searching for any sign of recovery from Nolan. When he saw nothing, he resigned himself to the idea of leaving the first place he’d made a home in since leaving London. 

On the Thursday of week four, Nolan walked in with a smile on his face, and Travis had to do a double take. It wasn’t a huge smile or anything, but it was there and it looked so real. Nolan joked and chatted with a few of the guys before settling in his locker and getting dressed and Travis felt almost all of the tension in his body release. By the time practice was over, Travis was the happiest he’d been in months. He drove to Coots’ place after practice, at a sandwich, and drove right over to their apartment. He walked in and almost cried with joy to find the entire place clean and almost whole again. Nolan looked almost whole again, too, and Travis had to hide the tears in his eyes. He was healing, he was getting better, he was going to be okay, and he was warm again. When Nolan asked Travis to move in again, he was elated, but he knew they had a lot of stuff to work out before they got back to normal, and he said as much. It took him three hours to move in again, and five minutes to feel like he was at home. Nolan stuck by his side the entire time, too clingy for it to be normal, but he didn’t mind. He was back, and this time, he wasn’t going to leave. That night, he fell asleep in their bed with Nolan curled up beside him, warmth radiating through Travis’s skin. Travis felt his heart burn with joy as he drifted off, the love of his life at his side once more.


End file.
